"Uncle, I'm back."
After saying this, the entire Zen room was quiet.
Only the blue smoke rising from the bronze incense burner trembled slightly in the air, and then spread out leisurely. A faint smoky color permeated the half-stained eyes, and it seemed that even his gaze became hazy.
But I know, he keeps watching me.
I also looked at him silently.
After being silent for a long time, the monk Zhengzheng said gently, "How long have you been this way?"
"Sixteen years."
"Where did you go?"
"Tiannandibei."
"What have you found?"
"……No."
"So, what have you lost?"
I thought about it and shook my head.
He smiled at me for a while, a faint smile appeared on the old face, and said, "You are grown up."
After hearing this sentence, I felt that my tears couldn't stop rising.
In Xichuan, there are not many people who are qualified to say this sentence. Although, this one is also one of the most qualified people, because he is the second son of the Yan family-Yan Yizhi.
I ca n’t say I ’m too familiar with him, because when I started to remember, he was already in the Buddhist gate and became a monk at Tianmu Temple. When I knew his identity was actually my second uncle, it was already in me Mother was expelled from the main house of the Yan family, and it was time for me to place an order at the foot of Xishan. He was three to five apart, and would bring us rice noodles with the fearless monk to come and help us. It was also in the conversation between the fearless monk and his mother that I only knew that the young monk who looked handsome but had an unusually old and heavy monk was Yan family sister , My second uncle.
It just didn't occur that he hadn't seen him for sixteen years, and he had become so old.
Even in front of him, he slowly got up from the futon, his movements seemed so slow and strenuous, I hurried forward and supported him, feeling that the arm in the elbow was very thin.
Holding him slowly to the table and sitting down, I picked up the teapot by myself and found that the tea was cold.
There were still two monks around him, so that the tea was cold, so it was obvious that he ate cold tea on weekdays.
I held the tea cup in both hands and looked at him quietly: "How have you been doing these two years?"
"Every day, it's the same."
"I remember when I left that year, my second uncle was an addendum to the incomplete" Seventeen Places "and" Dabhi's Theory ". I wonder if it is now complete?"
"It's over."
"Congratulations to uncle."
"My heart is like a mirror, how sad and happy."
It wasn't the first time I had a conversation with a monk, but it was the first time I encountered such a close-to-distant conversation. He obviously was playing Zen machine with me every sentence. He did n’t know what to say for a while, just looked down. Holding the tea cup in hand, the swaying candlelight, like a mirror-like tea, paused, and brought the tea cup to the hand of the monk Zhengzheng.
Because it was covered for a while, the tea was not as cold as when it was poured out.
The monk Zhengzheng looked down at the tea cup, and there were fine wrinkles in his eyes, as if looking at me with a smile, and said softly, "You are more and more like your mother."
The candlelight fluttered.
I raised my eyes and looked at the old face of Zhengjue Monk, half a moment, and said gently, "The second uncle still remembers my mother."
"Can't forget."
"How much does that uncle remember?"
"You should remember, you remember."
"..."
I just felt my throat dumb for a while, so many words, many questions, at this moment I couldn't even say a word.
It's like when I faced my queen mother, I couldn't say any of those words and questions.
In retrospect, the queen mother and the second uncle in front of her are so similar, they are in a prosperous place, they are all people who can enjoy the riches and riches, but in the world's most envious eyes, they devote themselves to the Buddha. Keeping this blue light, the years are like running water, and I walk away.
I was silent for a long time, and finally asked softly, "Why the second uncle?"
"Why is this a question?"
"The second uncle is the son of the Yan family. In the eyes of ordinary people, this is a bit--"
When I didn't finish my words and didn't know what to say, I heard him smile a little and then said, "In the eyes of ordinary people, the poor monk did a stupid thing, right?"
I smiled awkwardly.
The monk of Zhengjue also smiled, but smiled calmly: "But," Zi said: Chao Wen Dao, you can die on the night's death. "Even death is fine, so what is wrong with abandoning the worldly riches and riches? The poor monk never thought that he had done a stupid thing, and the poor monk confessed that there would be no rest in this life. "
I froze for a moment.
I had a lot of speculations about his monk, but I was really surprised when he heard such a frank answer.
In this world, some people eat gorilla's lips, Yan Yanzhicui, others burn a knife and swallow sour throat, but in fact, only those who have eaten the gorilla's lips, Yanyancui, are really qualified to tell all People, they burn their knives sorely.
My uncle, this Zhengjue monk, is just that.
He got what the rest of the world thought was the best, but he really understood what was "the best" for him.
It turned out that he and the queen mother were completely different.
For him, Buddhism is not a place to escape the sufferings of the world, but a place where he really gets great joy.
However, I asked, "Is there no regret in this second uncle's life?"
The old face darkened for a moment.
I looked at him with a bit of surprise. Although I asked, I just wanted an inner peace, but I didn't expect that the small stone broke the bottom of the water and made him ripple like a mirror.
At this moment, I remembered a few things I heard as a child.
Is it--
Let me not think about it. The monk of Zhengjue had a long sigh and said, "In this world, there is no life without regrets."
...
In this world, there is no life without regrets?
Everyone's life should be, and there must be regrets.
However, when I look back on my life, I always have to make this and that choice, what is missing, what is perfect.
The second uncle used his half-life to complete the "Seventeen Lands" and "The Great Vajrayana", so there must be some defects that cannot be repaired.
For example, his affection, his love ...
At this time, the monk Zhengzheng had calmed down his mind, looked at me quietly for a while, and said, "Where did you come from?"
This time, I didn't use him to come to use the Zen machine, but I honestly responded, "From Nian Baoyu."
"Why go?"
"There was a war there. My husband and I, and my daughter, we went together to help."
"Are you married?"
"Yes."
"Who's married?"
"..." I thought for a while, and said, "Prince, formerly."
The monk Zhengzheng looked at me for a while: "What kind of person is he?"
"he treats me well."
The monk of Zhengjue was silent for a moment, as if thinking something, and suddenly said, "You are like your mother."
"..."
"Just know what you want."
As I listened to this sentence, my heart suddenly became suspicious, but I didn't know what was wrong. After thinking about it, I still said the question I most wanted to ask: "Uncle Er knows that when Xichuan-my father used to Bring someone, and fight against the cavalry of the East Chaga Department in Nian Baoyu? "
"remember."
"Why hit?"
Zhengjue frowned slightly and looked at me: "Why ask?"
"This time, in Nian Baoyu, I met the general of the East Chaga Department who participated in the war. He told me some past events and made me wonder.
"What kind of doubt?"
"The general said, he said that the battle was like my father fought for my mother." Speaking of this, I paused a bit, looking at the candlelight swaying in front of me, and the gaze seemed to be the candlelight. The invasion flashed slightly, "Uncle, is this the case?"
Zhengjue said lightly: "No one can guess your father's mind."
I frowned slightly, but before I could say anything, he said, "However, your mother's mind, you should be able to figure it out."
"why?"
"You have a bodhisattva heart."
"..."
"And your mother is a bodhisattva."
"...!"
I just felt a sudden jump in my heart.
Первоначально это предложение было сказано мне, что дядя Ай говорил это раньше, а теперь дядя Э фактически сказал то же самое передо мной.
У меня сердце бодхисаттвы, и моя мать — бодхисаттва.
Почему мне все больше кажется, что это простое предложение, кажется, наполнено смыслом в каждом слове, подразумевая что-то очевидное, но я совершенно не могу этого понять?
Моя бровь почти вывернула слово «Чуан». После долгого молчания я медленно спросил: «Может ли второй дядя сказать мне, что за Бодхисаттва моя мать?»
Чжэнцзюэ замер и посмотрел на меня.
Я продолжал спрашивать: «Мой отец и моя мать встретились в Сишань Юньчифэн. Что в то время делала моя мать в Сишань? Что она за человек?»
Чжэнцзюэ некоторое время смотрел на меня, и эти серо-голубые глаза медленно успокоились и сказали: «Лайтнесс, ты сегодня здесь, чтобы навестить свою мать?»
Я подумал немного и сказал: «Я просто хочу узнать ее».
"..."
Я знаю, это слишком смешно. Как может дочь в этом мире спрашивать кого-то другого, кто ее мать, тем более я не был от нее ребенком, но я вырос с ней подростком, но задал этот вопрос, это действительно скользко, Даджи.
Однако мне очень хочется узнать ответ на этот вопрос.
Для меня, от мала до велика, она была моей матерью, главой семьи Ян. Позже, после страданий, она всегда улыбалась и смотрела на всех неровных женщин. Я никогда не осознавал, что за моей матерью было так много теней, которые я не могу ясно видеть.
Поэтому мне остается только спрашивать и спрашивать всех, кто может знать этот год.
Я еще раз тихо спросил: «Дядя, моя мама, кто она?»
